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I'm John, a simple man, a classy man, an honest man, an awesome man.

I was born in 1628 and grew up in the north eastern part of Nottingham. At the age of 16, I single handedly defeated Robin Hood and freed the village from his communist reign. I was offered an honorable position in the King's court, but I graciously decline because I wanted to travel.

In the spring of 1645, I took off on a journey through Europe, spreading good will and joy everywhere I went. Eventually, I made my way all the way to northern most point of Norway. I aquired the assistance of one, Captain Charles Bingmon who owned his own ship. Together, we sailed the sea and made our way to Iceland. Tragically, Captain Bingmon was brutally murdered one night at a bar for trying to play K-Fed on the jukebox. I assumed control of his ship and sailed it north. I hit an iceberg in the Arctic, and I proceeded on foot.

Unfortunately, I fell through some Ice somewhere around the latitude of eighty four degrees north. I became frozen in the ice and died. Some time between 1750 and 1850, the iceberg I was frozen in broke off from the main block. I floated out into the ocean and the ice eventually melted near Greenland in 1870. The locals revived me with their crazy voodoo(you know Greenland), and I continued to travel over and through Canada. In 1872, I accidentally killed a man named Sir John A. Macdonald by a tragic stone skipping accident at a community pond. I felt bad and couldn't break the news to his family.

I disguised myself and assumed the role of Sir John A. Macdonald. It was during a point in 1873, when I developed the idea for the Royal Northwest Mounted Police. The Mounties are still around today. Eventually, I grew bored of being Sir John A. Macdonald, so I faked my own death and escaped to Mexico.

In 1923, I became a cage fighter in the Mexican underground. Quickly, I rose to the top, leaving many dead in my wake. I remained undefeated until 1963 when I took a terrible fall down a flight of three stairs. I would never cage fight again.

I retired to China where I worked as a shoe repairman for many years. However, I soon pissed off the wrong people, and many hits were sent for me. I went into hiding with the help of a young singer named Yin-Shung. She was a tenor. We hid out together in the Himalayan Mountains. Soon we fell deeply into love. I could have stayed in those mountains with Yin-Shung forever and probably would have if it weren't for that panda bear incident in the summer of 1979.

On a brisk morning, we found the panda lying outside our cabin door. It's foot was broken and appeared to be infected with a renegade strain of herpes. The foot had to come off and come off soon. That afternoon, Yin-Shung and I prepare the few tools we had. She boiled some water over the stove, and I sharpened my old axe. I refused to use my new axe, because, of course, it was a new axe. However, I would give anything to go back in time and change that decision now. The old axe just didn't hold up like it use to.

We gave the panda plenty of whiskey to numb him up, and then placed his injured paw upon a large shoot of bamboo. I raised the axe and swung it down at the paw. Unfortunately, the axe head fell off in mid swing and hit Yin-Shung directly in the shin. She fell down and landed atop the drunk panda. The panda had earlier withheld the information from us that he was actually an angry drunk. If we had known this, we would have used wine coolers to numb him up.

So, Yin-Shung falls on top of the panda, and the angry drunk panda shoves her back. She stumbles backward and falls into the large pit we had dug earlier to catch wild goats. Naturally, we had lined the bottom of the pit with sharp sticks, so that the goats would die and we could eat them. Yin-Shung died a horrible death, and I have always blamed myself. I then killed the panda in a rage and vowed never to love again.

I fell into a deep depression and couldn't bring myself to climb down from the mountains in my condition. In late autumn of that year, a heavy snow storm blew in. I was forced to stick out the winter alone in my cabin in the mountains. Being trapped in the mountains actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, for this gave me plenty of time alone with my thoughts.

It was this stormy winter in 1979 that I wrote the bulk of my ten book series on the ethics of sanitation and inadvertently coined the phrase, "Bah-wita-bah. "

When the storm cleared, I was able to journey out of the mountains and back to civilization. The heat from the Chinese Mafia had blown over, and I could walk the streets once again without fearing for my life. I came across a kind family in north eastern China, and they offered to take me in. I was walking a dirt road one hot afternoon when I came across the family's eldest boy, Dexter, whose cart had broken a wheel, and the oxen was unable to pull it. I offered to help the boy, so I ran to a nearby village and bought a new wheel. The wheel was a perfect fit and from then on I was practically part of the Ting-Wan family. They allowed me to stay in their wood shed behind their house just outside the coastal town of Dalian. I became somewhat of a local celebrity in Dalian after I saved a Chinaman's pet leopard from an abandoned mine shaft that was scheduled for demolition. The man turned out to own a large chain of local sushi bars. He liked the cut of my jib, so he asked me to become his company's spokesman.

The rest is history. However, the fame started getting to me, so in the fall of 1993, I again faked my own death.

Immediately afterwards, I travels to Iowa where I faked my own birth which was unheard of at the time. I currently reside in Iowa where I am writing this biography.


Welp, hope you read my autobiography about myself.

Now, on to Guitar Hero/Rock Band. I first played Guitar Hero at a lock-in around February 2007. It was amazing, and Guitar Hero 2 for the 360 was coming out later that year, so I had to get it. I went from easy to expert within a month. I passed Jordan and Six back-to-back before I five starred Free Bird. I got GH3 later that year, and it was awesome. I had a big rivalry with some of my friends at school on who could pass TTFAF first. I lost. But I finally did pass with it a higher score than him.

When Rock Band came out, I thought nothing of it, because, come on, $200 for drums which I am not gonna use. Well, I tried it at a friends house, and less than a week later, I bought it, and 13 months worth of Xbox Live.

Thanks to Rock Band, my drumming has increased a bunch. I am no top player and have only FCed Charlene, Livin' on a Prayer, and Gimme Three Steps. But when I get on a real drum set, I do very well.

Rock Band 2 comes out, and I of course get it. World Tour is not the greatest on to Fallout 3
Random Facts from each game...ya....kind of cliche...but who cares! Oh and all of these are for the Guitar.

Guitar Hero 2
Favorite Song: Free Bird
Least Favorite: Yes We Can
Favorite DLC: Bark at the Moon
# of Expert FCs: 6...I know...noob right

Guitar Hero 3
Favorite: One
Least: Story of My Life...I'll tell you the Story of My Life before the song's over
DLC: Tie between For the Love of God and Stockholm Syndrome
# of Expert FCs: 17...I actually have 44 on Hard

Guitar Hero Aerosmith
Favorite: Toys in the Attic
Least: Make It
# of FCs: 16

Guitar Hero World Tour
Favorite: Crazy Train
Least: No Sleep Til' Brooklyn
DLC: Cyanide
# of FCs: 3...don't care to FC anything

Rock Band
Favorite: (Don't Fear) The Reaper
Least: I'm So Sick
# of FCs: 17

Rock Band 2
Favorite: Battery
Least: Welcome to the Neighborhood
# of FCs: 13 there anything else?????

And just a random thing....My Perfect Crime:

I break into Tiffanyís at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No - I go for the chandelier; itís priceless. As Iím taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop, itís her fatherís business. Sheís Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I donít trust her. Besides; I like the cold. 30 years later I get a postcard: I have a son, and heís the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trockadero; sheís been waiting for me all these years, sheís never taken another lover. I donít care, I donít show up. I go to Berlin - thatís where I stashed the chandelier.

Spaced is amazing.The Office is amazing. Family Guy is amazing. Futurama is awesome. Vancouver Canucks are the best hockey team in the NHL. Nuff said.

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