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Look, I used to have this formatted all cold and professional-like, as if I was writing so that obscure-plastic-guitar-player history buffs from the future could use this page as a resource. I think I even wrote about myself in the 4th person, or something like that. But I've just decided to fuck that party: this page doesn't exist to inform anyone about my going-ons, because nobody gives half of a monkey's dick about me or what I'm up to. This page exists because when I'm supposed to be at my campus job, sometimes I take a break from procrastinating in a useful fashion (full band pathing) to procrastinate in a completely useless fashion (writing shit about myself in a quasi-humorous fashion). So, here we go.

Important introductory note #1 - This page will never ever be a user of the week dealie, because I do not believe in formatting. I'm a writer; I only make an uneasy peace with the internet because that's the most efficient means by which to get my writing into the eyeballs of all of you poor fuckers (in my fantasies). I realize I could get more recognition by programming some fancy way to show a bird drinking water, but I'm allergic to dashes. (This is a Simpsons reference, by the way. When looking for a photo for it, I found an animated gif of what I was talking about. And I'm far less allergic to stealing than I am to dashes).
This is alternatively relevant

My phee-loss-o-phee
Solo play is to band play as masturbation is to sex. It can be fun and good practice...in fact, solo play is exactly like masturbation, with the small caveat that it is tough to play Rock Band while watching repeats of Charmed on TNT at 11am. But full band play is where it is at. My interest in Rock Band is 50 times what it would be otherwise because in June I got lucky and stumbled across some folks to form the awesome-tastic Interrobang, for whom I am bassist, bad joke maker, and path-maker in chief (aka, excel nerd).


970 Reasons Why I Am Awesome And/Or Observations about Rock Band and the World in Which It Dwells(under construction)
1. I was the first non-media, non-tester person to play Rock Band 2 in public.

2. I make Belgian beer. As in, brew it - not the way Kevin Costner makes water in Waterworld (although my urine is probably alcoholic).

3. I started the "Get Hocus Pocus by Focus as DLC ASAP" movement.

4. I had dinner with Bruce Campbell once, and at the end of it, when I asked to have my photo taken with him, he insisted we do an Elvis pose, because both of us look like Elvis. My life's been downhill since then.

5. Unlike most people who insist on believing the myth that Neversoft still exists, I am one of the few who realize the truth: that studio imploded shortly after the release of Tony Hawk 2. They will be missed.

6. I once swore to Kasson Crooker (the Duke of Belgian Waffles himself) and Liz Enthusiasm (aka Freezepop) in a bar that I lost my virginity while listening to Freezepop Forever.

7. Rectangles > Circles. But Rhombuses > All.

8. Some people say that there is no thought put into ranking bass difficulty. This is untrue. A simple rule governs bass tiering: the more noticeable the bass is in the song, the more highly it will be ranked. If there is a 3 second period where there is a bass solo, no matter how simple, everyone will say "wow, what a tough bass song."

9. When it comes to Scorehero bands, there is an inversely proportional relationship between the quality of the name of the band, and the solo ranks of the individual players. If a band formed with the #1 overall bassist, guitarist, drummer, and vocalist, they would probably just call themselves "Turd." Actually, that's a pretty cool name. Nevermind.

10. Here's how I know I have a problem: during a recent ride on Boston's mass transit, I briefly thought about how one could set up a Fantasy Scorehero league, and what the rules would entail.

11. It only took me about 15 play-throughs of Conventional Lover to get the joke in the title.

12. I like to play bass in alternative ways when I'm not going for super high scores. Sometimes I play it in my lap like a keyboard. Sometimes I play lying down...I've fallen asleep in the middle of ...And Justice For All.

13. I play the best when I'm sitting down....so I only stand up for songs when I truly respect and admire them. This proves counter-productive when playing drums.

14. Purchasing every DLC is insufficient to be considered a true DLC Whore. Only people who play EVERY INSTRUMENT on every DLC song qualifies for that rarefied title. Would a real whore say "I'll hook up with anyone and everyone, but only give them handjobs?" Hell no - a true whore does everything.

15. I almost FCed the GREs when I took them. OK, so I didn't get an optimal score - but it wasn't because I missed any. I just broke streak by over-answering a few times.

16. My GH2 scores (on my former SH profile) are just dripping in eliteosity:
GH2 scores

17. Thanks to the score statistic page, I currently own the top spot on the total scores on RB2. I'm not apt to be de-throned until another DLC Connoisseur (better than Whore) comes along who will outscore me on the most points-having instruments: drums and vocals. Which means the most likely candidate to beat me is my own drummer.
Brian aka Beingmused's Boisterous and Bountifully Brilliant BLC (Brian Loves Content) uh, B-Reviews
I had the realization: what is the one thing the world needs more of? DLC reviews, of course! But instead of cheaply selling out, or doing work, and putting them on youtube or whatever....I'm just going to write thoughts here as they occur to me - where no one will ever read them. This is a bold new step in review-ship. Oh wait, no it isn't, its like every other damn blog. (Voice of reason: Isn't this supposed to be a wiki page? Brian - Shhhhh.)

December 5th
: Nickelodeon pack - Ok, so everyone was freaking out about the Nickelodeon DLC this week, and to be frank, I haven't watched anything on that channel since Double Dare. But for the most part, these tracks weren't all that bad. I found myself enjoying Body I Occupy a great deal. Headphones - I mean, come on. Even totally badass metal dudes with spikes sticking out of their shoulders sometimes lose their keys and just want to stay home with their headphones on....making a collage. Or whatever. Sure, you don't want to listen to the lyrics of these songs, but they're nowhere near as brain-bleed-inducing as, say, Critical Acclaim.

But then I got to I Don't Want to go to School. OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP. It sounds like a (short) bus full of kids on their way to an ADHD treatment facility was in 3-car pileup with the Saved by the Bell theme song and a truck full of pixie sticks.
Ready, Set, Go - This exists.
Are you Dead yet - I like this song a lot more when it isn't accompanied by its cinematic masterpiece of a music video. If I ran a bakery I would license this song for my commercial, which would feature a guy looking into an oven full of dough and shouting "Are you Bread yet?!?"

December 12th: No Dizoubt
Excuse Me Mr. - What are you apologizing for - the fact that you included one song on your album that isn't an auto FC? It is ok, really.
Running - Hey, I had no idea that No Doubt did the Dougie Howser, M.D. theme song! Entering this score perplexes me, because it is after "Runnin' Wild", which throws me for a momentary loop. But that's what wildness gets you: apostrophes, alliteration, and alphabetic anarchy.
Spiderwebs - There's a solo here, but I can't actually hear any guitar notes...I think HMX just invented it.
Overall - Good stuff, lots of good old fashioned chord fests. This is one of those rare packs where you're playing on guitar and thinking "man, I kind of wish I was playing the bass part, that sounds more fun." Which is nice to have once in awhile.

December 19th: Deliverance
I've nary a song specific thing to say, but I love how some people - perhaps because it had been TWO ENTIRE WEEKS since their previous "OMG THIS DLC = APOCALYPSE" freakout - made a big stink about the country stuff before it came out. I'm no fan of the genre, but you KNOW that HMX is going to do it right. And they did; all of these are astoundingly fun to play.

January 6th: RB2 Ranking

It has been awhile since I've chimed in with thoughts on new songs - probably because I don't have any. I'm disallowed to speak about the holiday songs being a Jehova's Witness (just kidding), and the Foo Fighters songs...well, they're fun, but the kind of fun I've had 15 times already. So in its place, I'm going to try an audacious undertaking: the ranking of every RB2 song in order from least favorite to most.

84. Visions - I know this is a niche song that appeals to some people who have a vendetta against their own ears, but it shouldn't be part of the ESL (or career score, etc). I maintain that Visions should have been part of the 20 free songs, and Prequel to the Sequel or something should have been on disc.
83. Ace of Spades 08 - They took a song that I'm STILL sick and tired of from playing Tony Hawk 2 like 6 years ago, and made it worse. Awesome.
82. Where'd You Go - Ska-core can suck my weiner-core. Hah, get it? I used the same word twice.
81. Rebel Girl - RED BULL GIRLLLLLLL RED BULL GIRLLLLLL
80. The Middle - Somehow I'm surprised every time I'm reminded that this song exists.
79. Almost Easy - Unlike the other A7X songs, the lyrics for Almost Easy aren't punch-yourself-in-the-face awful, just bland. However, the other instruments are much more boring than the other A7X songs, so suckiness still wins out.
78. Hello There - HELLO THERE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! ARE YOU READY TO HEAR THIS SONG EVERY TIME YOU START THE GAME?? NO?? AWW....
77. One Way Or Another - Song isn't that bad, but the vocals chart is messed up, and the rest aren't very fun either.
76. Painkiller - This is kind of a shock, since I love love love Screaming for Vengence in its entirety, but this song is so much less pleasant than any of those. A pain to play on drums especially, and not all that fun on any instrument.
75. I Was Wrong - Self-destruction, got me again.
74. Give it All - Damn commies.
73. Pretend We're Dead - Somehow Interrobang has owned this song from day 1.
72. We've Got the Beat - Hey, good for you.
71. Peace Sells - Most will hate this ranking - When I listened to the album Peace Sells...I thought that this, GM/BF, and I Ain't Superstituous were the only good songs. But now I find that Peace Sells is one of the least appealing songs of the album.
70. Any Way you Want it - Great song, but man do I hate playing this solo. It is like a sandwich with way too much meat shoved inbetween two tiny slices of bread...it looks tasty, but leaves you feeling sick afterwards.
69. Livin' On a Prayer - This song is like an empty vanilla wafer.
68. Get Clean - I scrubbed extra hard for you.
67. So what'cha Want - Probably too high; but sue me, I like all talkie-songs.
66. Kids in America - Everybody listen the musical round? What is that damn lyric...
65. One Step Closer - I have nothing to say about this song =)
64. Welcome to the Neighborhood - Chaos personified.
63. White Wedding - Is there a part 2? I don't remember....in any case, this is the first RB2 song I ever played...at a HMX run tournament at an indie movie theater in July 08.
62. PDA - Maybe I like this song more....it is hard to tell. I like listening more than playing it.
61. My Own Worst Enemy - I'm embarrassed to have this song so high.
60. Lump - She's in my head
59. A Jagged Gorgeous Winter - I like this song more than its placement...but the chart is a pather's nightmare.
58. Uncontrollable Urge - Most people detest this song. I don't mind it.
57. Today - Fuck you Annie, Today kicks Tomorrow's ass.
56. That's What you Get - Like 30% of the SH populace has that Paramore chick as their avatar.
55. Shoulder to the Plow - Kind of a silly song, but I enjoy it for some reason.
54. Shackler's Revenge - Sometimes I like this song...othertimes it is just weird. Why get GnR if you're not going to get Mr. Brownstone?!?
53. Spirit in the Sky - Most are surprised to learn that Norman Greenbaum isn't actually a Christian.
52. New Kid in School - Lots of random 80s songs that are tough to differentiate...this one is probably my fav of those.
51. Eye of the Tiger - Awesome.
50. Come out and Play - You can't keep me Separated from this song! zing.
49. Hungry Like the Wolf - I'm on the hunt I'm on the prowl....
48. Let There Be Rock - AC/DC has some unique charting aspects....annoyingly repetitive on many instruments. But you're glad it is there.
47. Rock n' Me - Much more fun once you get the guitar pattern down.
46. Pump it Up - Ending is awesome.
45. Everlong - Not as good as most of Colour and the Shape, strangely enough.
44. Teen Age Riot - A pain on vox and drums, but such a fun song.
43. Shooting Star - Misty eyes accompany this song.
42. Nine in the Afternoon - Very unique song.
41. Give it Away - Damn last phrase!
40. Girl's Not Grey - Chaotic song, but fun and great sounding.
39. Down with the Sickness - I never expected to like Disturbed as much as I do.
38. Battery - Is it a requirement that all Metallica songs have a slow acoustic intro?
37. Our Truth - Haunting! I like it.
36. Tangled Up In Blue - The charts aren't FUN to play, per se, but damn if this song isn't awesome.
35. Float On - Need more modern indie rock...where's New Pornographers?
34. Drain You - I still can't FC that damn trill-y part...
33. Man in the Box - We need more Alice in Chains, stat.
32. Souls of Black - Testament is some old school metal I can really get behind. So fun on guitar.
31. E-Pro - From one of Beck's best albums.
30. Carry On My Wayward Son - That part where guitar/bass are in synch, doing the weird ladder pattern? Fucking awesome.
29. Bad Reputation - Fond memories of Freaks & Geeks, and I adore the drum chart.
28. Testify - I won't take the 5th.
27. Round and Round - I always forget about this song, but it is kind of a perfect RB song.
26. American Woman - I always think of that scene from American Beauty. Now where's "These Eyes"?
25. You Ought Know - Another surprise song. Great on Vox and Bass.
24. The Trees - Gets knocked down a few spots for its stupid Objectivist theme, but still a unique and awesome song.
23. Pinball Wizard - Kind of one of the weirder Who songs....not really meant for RB as much as many that were released awhile ago. But so essential it has to be loved.
22. Supreme Girl - I don't know what it is about this song, but it always uplifts my spirits.
21. Feel the Pain - Dinosaur Jr. is great. There isn't enough indie rock in RB2.
20. Mountain Song - Comin' Down the Mounnnnntain!
19. Master Exploder - I've got the pick of destiny.
18. Ramblin' Man - Even if I do believe Neil Young won that war....
17. Cool for Cats - Even though I don't like to Squeeeeeeze. *CUE LAUGHTER*
16. Chop Suey - I honestly can't tell which SOAD song I like the best. Whichever one I'm playing at the moment, I believe.
15. Go Your Own Way - Rumors, pronto!!
14. Aqualung - My favourite song to sing (I wouldn't call what I do on Rob the PoD "singing", per se).
13. Alive - The word is overused, but in my first play-through of this, I felt covered in epicness.
12. Spoonman - Yes.
11. Alex Chilton - I'm in love....with this song! You can't say no to the Replacements. I think they asked Bush to invade Iraq; it is the only logical explanation how that crap got started.
10. Conventional Lover - It may have taken me like 10 times to play this song before I got the joke in the title, but I adore this song. SAVING THROW.
9. Psycho Killer - J'aime ce chanson.
8. Alabama Getaway - I am infinitely Grateful for this song, and want more GD!!!
7. De-Luxe - Hauntingly pretty.
6. Night Lies - This song oozes pheromones.
5. Colony of Birchmen - Harsh metal can be beautiful.
4. Rob the Prez-O-Dent - You had me at "Four Score and Seven Beers Ago"
3. Lazy Eye - It should be illegal to not love the Silversun Pickups. It moves your heart as frantically as your strumming hand! Ok, that's cheesy. But this song makes that ok.
2. Bodhisattva - I've been a big fan of Steely Dan since I was 16 or so. One time I performed "Josie" at a guitar recital. And I've always loved this song, it was the one I was looking forward to playing the most. So I was surprised to find that my favourite is
1. Panic Attack - When the RR pack was announced and everyone was talking about Dream Theater, I was like "who is this band', so I went and read up about them, and didn't like what I read. Wankery quasi-prog metal? I thought I would detest this band.
However, the more I played Constant Motion (well, once I could pass it on guitar), the more I found I loved it. And I found myself shockingly loving Panic Attack even more...It is tougher to want to play a song the longer it is, because it is more of a commitment...but I've played Panic Attack 4, 5 times in a row before, with zero hesitation. I can't get enough of it, and I can't wait for more DT to find its way to Rock Band.

January 15th
: Honest Orbkravisus

If I had to retroactively change anything from my rankings for last week, I would put Almost Easy at 83. After playing that GOD FORSAKEN SONG for hours on both bass and guitar, I would dearly love it if the members of Avenged Sevenfold were repaid for their crimes against the audible by having a horde of rabid and syphilitic woodland creatures swarm and sexually assault them!!

But anyways, new DLC after week off. And that's a good thing, because Orbison on its on would be a little...samey. A few of his songs are great fun on guitar - Mean Woman Blues and Ooby Dooby - but the rest are kind of a vocals only affair, but hey, got to have that once in awhile (so long as we get Texas Flood soon...*bites wrist*). But man does this pack make me want to vox-tar. You Got It!!!
Entangled is the best song this week, hands down.
Megasus - When people were talking about this song in advance, a few things confused me:
1. Whether "Megasus" was the song or the band name. Oh, apparently both! Strike one. Unless you're the band Focus or hard core rappers, your songs are absolutely not allowed to reference the band name. This tells me the following: either the band only has one song, or they only know one word.
B. How the hell everyone seemed to know of this band by name. Seriously, why is it that so many SH-goers recognize every obscure metal band by name, but are all like "the Bee-tells? Huh"? Do high schools now offer Unimportant Bands that Scream a Lot 101 as part of the country wide curriculum nowadays?!?
As for the song itself, don't take my glee to be sarcastic too seriously. I like some parts of it quite well, and it is a relatively fun chart to play. So, basically an Are You Dead Yet clone. Which is just fine - I've had enough of the Metallideth style metal to last me for awhile. But speaking of metal I want, Mastodon's new album is coming out soon......
Kravitz - Pretty good. I had something really funny to say about one of the songs, but now I don't remember what it is. Scrotum!!! (That's what I say when I'm frustrated).


Alcohol-fueled Wants and Demands:

Songs I would strangle a puppy to get in Rock Band:
- "She's Not There" by Santana, as well as 50 other Santana songs.
- "Peg" by Steely Dan
- Some early Yes, King Crimson, GIVE US SOME PROG ROCK. Aside from Rush we have zero.
- "Throw it All Away" by Zero 7
- "Runnin' Down a Dream" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
- "Give A Little Bit" by Supertramp

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