Look, I used to have this formatted all cold and professional-like, as if I was writing so that obscure-plastic-guitar-player history buffs from the future could use this page as a resource. I think I even wrote about myself in the 4th person, or something like that. But I've just decided to fuck that party: this page doesn't exist to inform anyone about my going-ons, because nobody gives half of a monkey's dick about me or what I'm up to. This page exists because when I'm supposed to be at my campus job, sometimes I take a break from procrastinating in a useful fashion (full band pathing) to procrastinate in a completely useless fashion (writing shit about myself in a quasi-humorous fashion). So, here we go.

Important introductory note #1 - This page will never ever be a user of the week dealie, because I do not believe in formatting. I'm a writer; I only make an uneasy peace with the internet because that's the most efficient means by which to get my writing into the eyeballs of all of you poor fuckers (in my fantasies). I realize I could get more recognition by programming some fancy way to show a bird drinking water, but I'm allergic to dashes. (This is a Simpsons reference, by the way. When looking for a photo for it, I found an animated gif of what I was talking about. And I'm far less allergic to stealing than I am to dashes).


My phee-loss-o-phee
Solo play is to band play as masturbation is to sex. It can be fun and good practice...in fact, solo play is exactly like masturbation, with the small caveat that it is tough to play Rock Band while watching repeats of Charmed on TNT at 11am. But full band play is where it is at. My interest in Rock Band is 50 times what it would be otherwise because in June I got lucky and stumbled across some folks to form the awesome-tastic Interrobang∞, for whom I am bassist, bad joke maker, and path-maker in chief (aka, excel nerd).


970 Reasons Why I Am Awesome (under construction)
1. I was the first non-media, non-tester person to play Rock Band 2 in public.

2. I make Belgian beer. As in, brew it - not the way Kevin Costner makes it in Waterworld (although my urine is probably alcoholic).

3. I started the "Get Hocus Pocus by Focus as DLC ASAP" movement.∞

4. I had dinner with Bruce Campbell once, and at the end of it, when I asked to have my photo taken with him, he insisted we do an Elvis pose, because both of us look like Elvis. My life's been downhill since then.

5. Unlike most people who insist on believing the myth that Neversoft still exists, I am one of the few who realize the truth: that studio imploded shortly after the release of Tony Hawk 2. They will be missed.

6. I once swore to Kasson Crooker (the Duke of Belgian Waffles himself) and Liz Enthusiasm (aka Freezepop) in a bar that I lost my virginity to Freezepop Forever.

7. Rectangles > Circles. But Rhombuses > All.



Alcohol-fueled Wants and Demands:

Songs I would strangle a puppy to get in Rock Band:
- "She's Not There" by Santana
- "Peg" by Steely Dan
- Some early Yes
- "Throw it All Away" by Zero 7
- "Runnin' Down a Dream" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
- "Give A Little Bit" by Supertramp